Wednesday, 1 May 2024

LEO

This is the story of Leo. At least, that is how I knew him mostly. Others have told me that his gender was uncertain and that some knew him as Leonie when he dressed as a woman. However, I have never considered this an issue of interest although others have tried to assert that this was a critical factor in Leo’s life and the decisions and discoveries that are attributed to him.

Leo’s father, Xavier, was a celebrated cleric. Whether he was a leading Islamic scholar or Christian teacher is a matter of debate. Categorizing him into these religious pigeonholes seems to me to be of purely academic interest. His impact upon philosophical theory, as well as his influence over Leo, does not require an easy placement within established schools of thought. I have always found his followers’ desperate grasp of his best-known aphorism rarely follows a further understanding of its meaning. ‘Without water, there could be no tree, and without tree, there could be no crucifixion’ seems to have been best understood by Leo.

Xavier was working in the era of the Autocrats. This was not his choice: he just happened to have been born in the wealthiest nation where it was considered heretical to poke fun at the political leadership. I was in the audience when the most controversial film show was raided by the police, and I found myself in a cell for a couple of days with Leo. The film ‘MAGA’ was a remake of the old ‘Planet of the Apes’ movie where the oppressive, armed enforcers were called the ‘Monkeys And Gorillas Authority’ – much to the chagrin of the actual President. The filmmaker was my talented twin sister, Artemis. But it was the record of Leo’s attendance at this show which, later, influenced critical decisions about his true political allegiances.

I will admit that my own feelings regarding patriotism are ambiguous. Like everyone else whom we knew at college and beyond, it was the ideals of democracy, liberty, social equality, and other principles of the Enlightenment to which we aspired. However, as there seemed to be nowhere in this world where these ideals were practiced, alternative commitments were made in order to survive in the actual world in which we lived. Artemis was hounded out of the country and went to live in Norway. My exile from MAGA land is of marginal importance to the story of Leo: but his deportation to the other great Autocracy was a critical moment in this century’s evolution.

My work as an image recognition scientist was of minor significance, but the projects upon which I and hundreds of others worked were important. Leo’s saw the development of ‘merones’ as a logical follow through from understanding Xavier’s saying. The conceptualization of what I naively thought of as deep structures that pervaded the Universe which could be accessed even at molecular level was what Leo explained lay behind his father’s thinking. Xavier wrote about these universal structures (he regarded the Cross as one) rather like Jung wrote about archetypes that pervade the dream world of people from differing cultures. Each of us casts our own image structures onto the molecular environment within which we live. The manipulation of what we cast by invading this personal space offered an entirely new set of weaponry. ‘Merones’ (an abbreviation of Molecular Drones) offered a tempting means by which to influence or even assassinate an opponent.

The initial attempts to assassinate President Zed using comparatively crude MAGA merones merely led to the rapid detention of those who had tried flooding the environment with thousands of merones in the hope that one or two would penetrate the defense dome. Zed, in retaliation, tasked his brother Gregory with developing far more powerful merones for a MAGA assault. The laboratory where I was working became a hive of activity attempting to reinforce the dome shields as the race to develop the best defenses became a priority for autocrats on every continent.

Whether it was with or without the permission of his brother, Gregory decided to use merones upon those he regarded as political opponents within the country. He would build various dome structures around them and, if they did not work, then he simply reported their death to a grateful President Zed. But Gregory was not as adept as the MAGA technicians in creating the most lethal merones, nor the means by which to stop them. Some whispered rumors in our laboratories suggested that perhaps Gregory was not averse to the possibility of Zed succumbing to the next attack, leaving the leadership open for him. The prospect of a Gregorian autocracy frightened many of us even more than the notion of a MAGA takeover!

Zed’s survival was entirely due to Leo’s genius. Much to Gregory’s annoyance, Leo evolved an alternative defensive strategy which required a depth of understanding far beyond Gregory’s abilities. But Zed would allow no new initiative without the approval of his trusted Head of Security, Krebs. Gregory pestered Krebs to block any suggestions from Leo. “We don’t even know if he is Leo or Leonie. And he comes from MAGA land. How can we trust him?” But Krebs watched the video of our being entertained by the Planet of the Apes remake and Leo’s subsequent eviction from the land of his birth. If anything, Krebs was more suspicious of Gregory than Leo. So, he allowed Leo to speak directly with the President.

Leo explained to Zed that there would be no defense dome as this would almost certainly be penetrated. Instead, Leo could protect the President if he were allowed to take blood samples from Zed. From these he would construct an entirely fake molecular image of the President. Zed’s own image projection would be obscured leaving the fake image open to attack. Sure enough, the MAGA attack saw swarms of merones destroy the fake. MAGA observers knew that the attack had been successful yet, the next day, Zed was more alive than ever.

It was a week after this brilliant coup that I met Leo. He was dressed as Leonie and was dancing in the Dionysus gay club: but Zed’s pathological hatred of homosexuality did not extend to closing the club where he knew his saviour would hang out for relaxation. On the contrary, there were several poorly disguised, heavily armed guards surrounding the building in case anyone tried to take down Zed’s star scientist. Even Krebs himself could be seen surveying the dancers from a vantage point. Perhaps he would have liked to join the dance?

Of course, Leo did not think of himself as a scientist. Like Xavier, he regarded the intramolecular realm within which he worked and roamed as the visible location of the archetypal structures that underpinned what we perceived as “reality”. Others in the club declared themselves convinced by voodoo and other animalist beliefs. But Leo, like his father, refused to follow this well-trodden path. He (or she) talked to me at the bar in the club about how these archetypal structures pervade our dreams as well as what we believe as the ‘real world’. “I loved my father and his delving into the substructure of life opened the way for us to understand the Universe in which we live and die,” he said to me. “But you know that those who took his words literally concerning water, wood and the crucifixion are as foolhardy as those who believe in the literal translation of the many holy texts that we are taught. Do you know that the fundamentalists who support the mad MAGA honestly believe that he will live for eternity provided they can erase all water and wood from the intramolecular universe within which they dream. They have gone about destroying all trace of water and wood so that his projected image cannot be crucified!”

“So, what will happen to him?” I asked.

“You will see his fate in a collective dream in the coming month. I am sure.” And, with that, Leonie skipped away and started dancing with a graceful man who had, no doubt, been thoroughly checked over by Krebs.

The International Celebration of Xavier’s Life and Work was due to take place in Oslo. Brilliant scientists and metaphysicians attended, and Leo was a star speaker. Zed allowed him to go provided he was accompanied by a small army of guards with an array of weaponry usually only on display for the autocrats themselves. Leo left strict instructions with Krebs that no one should be allowed access to Zed without the protective screen that could only be operated from within the President’s own private study. Michael Mayer (or MM as he was known) had been one of Xavier’s star pupils: but in Oslo he presented a MAGA-based theory that Leo described as absurd. “You fail to grasp Xavier’s insight that the crucifixion is primary and that it will find any way by which to become manifest. By deleting water and tree, you simply invite alternative manifestations.”

One of MM’s fundamentalist followers objected to Leo. “You are just a pawn in Zed’s game. You should not be here. You will say anything to deny the possibility that we can achieve eternal life for MAGA. He will not be crucified because we will prevent that fate within the confines of the molecular universe within which we are now the masters.”

“That idiot doesn’t even understand how immersion into the crucifixion archetype guarantees some form of existence beyond an individual’s physical death,” Leo commented to his guards who had no idea what Leo was talking about.

Gregory’s coordinated assault upon the MAGA presidency was timed to coincide with MM’s absence in Oslo. The launch of thousands of merones within the vicinity of the victim were countered by MM’s impressive ion dome defense. Over ninety five percent of the merones were destroyed: but the five percent that evaded the ions were more than enough to kill the man. The world’s press and social media largely presented this assassination as the response to the attempt upon Zed that had been totally countered by Leo’s defense. And, just as Leo predicted, many of the MAGA followers reported a collective dream in which they saw their hero strung up roughly within a latticework of metal scaffold bars – with no wood nor water anywhere to be seen.

Leo’s return from Oslo was marred by a crude attempt on his life. The aircraft in which he was travelling was forced to make an emergency landing when a sabotage explosive failed to ignite. Krebs met Leo the moment he arrived home with news that there had been another attempt upon Zed.

“We don’t know how the attacker evaded your defensive device. How is it possible?”

Leo surveyed the data sets and pointed to a telltale eruption of figures whose presence was unexpected. “That is an entry into Zed’s private molecular space. Whoever made that entry must have planted the disruptor which could kill our leader.”

Gregory told Krebs that he suspected Leo. But Krebs knew that Leo had already saved Zed’s life once before and, anyway, the attack was carried out when Leo was in Oslo. Zed, feeling very ill, and Krebs, looking very harassed, met with Leo to ask how to identify the intruder.

“That’s very simple,” Leo asserted. “Present that plume of data that accompanied the intruder upon entry into the identification funnel. It’s the same one you use for identifying anyone requesting entry into the palace. You will obtain a clear image of their face and a readout of their DNA.  I will bet my last paycheck that it will be the same person who ordered the bomb to be planted in my aircraft coming home.”

When Krebs shared the readout with Zed, the president was incandescent with rage. “I knew that Gregory was ambitious: but to want to murder his own flesh and blood!”

The next morning the Dionysus was buzzing. Rumors surged and receded; no one really knew what was happening. It was thought that Gregory had fled the capital and was hiding out in one of the ecclesiastical palaces, protected by his close ally, Archbishop Nicholas.

When Leonie arrived, she caused a stir. Dressed in an immaculate silk dress and sporting a voluptuous, blond wig, she came and sat down near our little band of image recognition technicians and scientists. Krebs himself could be seen directing his men to create a protective ring around our table. The archbishop had issued a notice strongly implying that Leo was somehow behind the attempt upon Zed and that the case against Gregory was a foul MAGA slander. Krebs regarded this as a desperate act to save Gregory. After all, as the assault was taking place, thousands of delegates and a massive posse of his own guards were watching Leo perform in Oslo.

“You are looking very beautiful today,” I commented to Leonie. She smiled at me, her fellow fugitive from MAGA after the fury created by the Planet of the Apes remake. “Come and dance with me,” she said.

Dozens of couples were on the dance floor: but they made way for us. I whispered in her ear: “how did you do it?”

She began pirouetting and suddenly stopping with a jerk to point at the floor behind me. Then she repeated the maneuver but pointed at the floor behind her. I was unsure of what she was trying to say. But after a couple of twists, I realised she was pointing at our shadows.

“Shadow!” I said under my breath.

She nodded and called out a word that sounded like “young” but then I understood she was trying to make me focus upon the word “shadow” within the conceptions laid out by “Jung”. She laughed when she saw that I understood but gave no further clues in case others twigged what she was telling me. A few minutes later, she made a dramatic exit, plunging through the back door supported by a small troupe of dancers who had accompanied her throughout the performance.

There was a sudden stir as an announcer entered the club. Normally, governmental announcers only made pronouncements online or via tv and radio. But this one walked to the stage and silence fell across the room.

“A few minutes ago, despite all that our best physicians could do, our beloved leader, President Zed, passed away. No stone will be left unturned to discover how he was killed and the perpetrator will not escape justice. As a sign of respect, this club and the others that opened this morning will be closed until further notice.”

As we filed out, I could see Krebs talking to the announcer. He was agitated and gesticulating wildly. I hoped that an unstable Krebs did not spell danger to Leo or any of us whom he might suspect of treachery. Innocence, as we had seen, was no protection against a furious but perplexed security chief. But the truth was that Krebs regarded Leo as the one true, loyal guardian of his leader because of his initial action in diverting the MAGA merone attack. Krebs hated the pontificating archbishop and the fact that Nicholas was shielding the strongest suspect in Zed’s death had him pressing the announcer to declare Gregory as the most wanted man on the run.

In the event, Krebs never got his hands on Gregory. Thinking he was safe within the confines of the great cathedral was a sad error of judgement. Known as the driver of the merone attack that had killed the MAGA leader, a revenge assault was made against him by the Michael Mayerson team. He died holding his head and falling back onto the altar, a “sacrificial lamb” according to the archbishop, keen to retain some religious significance to the man’s death. But this untimely demise left Krebs with many unanswered questions.

The spectacular dance that Leonie had used to cover what she hoped was a secret message did not fool Krebs. Although he could not understand what was being said, he knew that there had been a message and was determined to discover what it was and what it meant. To mislead an intelligent analyst like Krebs, it was always best to keep as near the truth as possible. I realised that the reference to the Jung archetype, shadow, would have been worked out even before questioning, I hoped I was prepared for the interview carried out by Krebs himself.

“What was Leo telling you in the club?”

“This was Leo’s alter ego, Leonie, so she likes working in riddles and artistic poses. But I think I worked out what she was saying on behalf of Leo.”

“Well, tell me what she said.”

I took a deep breath here and paused. I hoped that this would convince Krebs that I was coming clean about the entire message. I asked for a drink of water and Krebs shouted to one of the guards to bring in a carafe. Once I had taken a sip, I went on with my tale.

“Leonie wanted me to understand the word ‘shadow’ in a very specific context.

She knew that in my face recognition work I would have had to study all the various theories about underlying structures that usually determine exactly what it is we see. So, she shouted a word that, at first, I thought was ‘young’. But that didn’t make sense. We know exactly how old Zed and all our leading players are. But then I wondered whether the word she was trying to articulate was ‘Jung’. Are you following what I’m saying?”

Krebs nodded and I knew that I had told him nothing he had not already worked out for himself.

“In Jungian theory, shadow has a very specific meaning. It is an archetype. But its significance alters between people. Shadow for me is not shadow for you. So, what was shadow for Zed? That was the question whose answer would tell us everything that Leo knew.”

I paused again because I wanted to gauge how much of this Krebs had already surmised. It seemed to me that this was just as far as he had reached and that my honesty so far should put me in good stead when it came to my interpretation.

“Go on. Don’t stop there!”  Krebs was becoming excited. This was a good sign.

“My understanding of shadow – and you can check this out with any of our psychologist specialists – is that it is a bit like the contents of Pandora’s tin or box. All the fears and troubles that you have are contained therein and it remains as a constant thorn in the mind, pricking away with nowhere else to go. It is an archetype, so it cannot go away. It is a permanent feature of each of our universes. So, what was in Zed’s shadow. What was the fear that would never leave him? Whatever it was points to where the attack originated. I think I know what Leo saw as Zed’s shadow.”

“You can prove this?” Krebs interjected.

I shook my head. “There can be no proof now because even a deep trance analysis of Zed’s fears undertaken whilst he was under hypnosis is no longer available to us. But I think that Leo saw Zed’s deepest shadow as betrayal.”

Krebs and I sat in silence whilst he digested this interpretation. He was thinking about Zed as his boss, as his friend, as the nation’s disputed leader and of those who might represent a challenge. Eventually, he nodded.

“I have no idea why Leo has to put on all this make up and female attire. Couldn’t he just have told us what you have just told me?”

I shrugged my shoulders. “I’m not a performance artist. I’m just an analyst so I don’t really understand how his temperament works. But he is the creative. He is the only one to have evolved the effective defense against merones. He saved Zed against the MAGA threat but could not be here defending Zed against someone so close to him whilst speaking to the rest of the world in Oslo. I know Gregory and the archbishop were accusing Leo of this crime, but I do not believe a word they say.

Krebs nodded. “No. Nor do I. You can go now. Thank you for telling me all you know. Do you think I could discover more from interviewing Leo himself?”

“I’m sure you will try but my only fear is that he will transform into Leonie and annoy you for appearing to be evasive. But you know that, at heart, he is on our side and may have more insight into what our enemies are planning than any of us by dreaming and imagining scenarios that we cannot grasp yet.”

Krebs was woken up the next morning by a shout from Leo. He had had the cheek and initiative to visit Krebs at his home before the investigator called him in.

“What do you want?” Krebs was slightly annoyed, but Leo had him on the back foot.

“We need to establish a video link to Michael Mayerson urgently. We can bring this war to a successful conclusion: but only if I can speak directly to Mayerson. I know him well. He will be at a loss what to do next, but I am already a step or two ahead of him.”

Krebs was about to object but Leo walked away quickly and shouted: “I’ll call you later as I need to prepare now.”

That afternoon saw Leo with a very small group of us sitting in a study awaiting the video feed to go live. When it buzzed into life, we could see Mayerson in a huge operations room surrounded by dozens of technicians, security guards, software specialists (some of whom I knew) and psych specialists brought in to advise on how to deal with Leo. Leo sat with just a couple of face recognition people, an interpreter (if needed) and Krebs. He assured us that he could deal with “poor Michael”.

Leo had warned Krebs that Mayerson’s team would attempt to convince Krebs that Leo was the criminal who had killed his leader. “He will first try to sow division amongst his enemies. You need to pretend to be listening and, eventually, it will be my turn to speak. That is when the meeting proper will begin and we shall see how they react. I suspect that they will be shocked and may even disbelieve what I can do as they have no idea how to manipulate deep molecular structures. But they will have to learn.”  Krebs nodded and Leo asked me and the other face recognition specialists to watch Mayerson for telltale facial expressions that would guide us in deciding how to deal with him.

The meeting began exactly as Leo had predicted. Mayerson asked Leo how he had managed to murder Zed. “Congratulations, Leo, in pretending to save him one day just so that you would have the opportunity to kill him and Gregory a few days later.”

Leo smiled and said he appreciated Michael’s professional praise for his achievements but that was not the main reason why we were having the meeting.

“You see, Michael, the question is not how to murder people with merones. What you and I need to agree is how to prevent people being murdered. Otherwise, this tit for tat war could go one forever. I am sure you agree.”

Leo looked to us for an assessment as to how Mayerson was reacting. “I think he is unsure. He doesn’t know where you are going in this,” I whispered in his ear. Leo nodded.

“Now I know that whatever verbal or written assurance I give you, or you give me, will be regarded with skepticism. So, without consulting you or other security focused personnel, I decided to act on my own and believe I may have resolved the problem finally.”

“How could you have done that?” a disbelieving security guard sitting beside Mayerson interjected.

“I’m sorry,” Leo said, “I don’t think I know you. Are you a specialist in molecular deep structures? If not, perhaps you will allow me to talk with Michael Mayerson who is one of the world’s experts.”

Mayerson pushed the man aside. “What have you done Leo?” he asked.

“It is all a question of which is the appropriate deep structure to engage when an attack is about to take place.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, Michael, I have rearranged the substructure.”

“What! How have you done that?”

“An explanation of how my practice has developed so much further will have to wait until later. Meanwhile, let me explain what will happen if anyone attempts any form of merone attack, anywhere in the world against anyone – and that includes people who live here in our country. I have organized the substructure to engage one and only one archetype. You will recognize it as the ouroboros, the snake biting its tail.”

Mayerson spun round and started talking with his psych specialists. He was clearly unclear as to what Leo’s actions would mean. Eventually, he turned back and said: “My team believe that what you have done is to set up a structured guarantee that anyone launching an attack would be attacking themselves. Is that correct?”

“Your experts are to be congratulated. That is precisely what would happen.”

“So, if we launch an assault on you and you take no defensive maneuver, the attacker will be committing suicide.”

“Exactly.”

“Do you want us to attempt to kill you?”

“Of course not. I am simply saying that if any loyal soldier from your impressive armed forces were to try to kill me with merones, he would die the moment he launched the attack, and I would remain unscathed.”

A huge bull of a man in battledress pressed forward, pushing Mayerson aside. He was shouting but until he reached Mayerson’s microphone, we could not make out his words. Finally, we heard him scream: “you cannot take this girlie seriously. He dresses in a frock and thinks he can outbluff a soldier. This joker knows damn well that I have an advanced merone contingent surrounding his venue. Now he believes that he can scare us into downing our weapon. But my men on the ground need do nothing as I can launch he fastest merone ever constructed straight at the back of his head, right now.”

The tiny, handheld control was slammed onto the table, as if the man believed he had won a high money round of poker. The launch button was banged down and a zip sound screeched through the room.

The era of the Autocrats ended with General Trumpington Water’s decapitation.



Saturday, 21 May 2022

BEFORE BABEL

Before Babel & other stories available for less than £5 

BEFORE BABEL

"Listen," the old man said, "I'll tell you how it happened." She had heard his monologue countless times and started to doze within minutes. But he continued unconcerned. "I had made a lot of money on the first Universal Decoders. They had all the languages programmed in and could quickly translate between any of them. My shop stocked U.D.1s in all shapes and sizes: but I was the first to catch on to the fashion of having them slung around the neck. We attached cords in the stockroom and marked up the price. It was not only tourists - anyone bought them. For young people they were a badge of adulthood; for older people a sign of youth." He sighed nostalgically.

"It was the U.D.2s that turned everything upside down. They were revolutionary machines applying Artificial Intelligence" ­ he spat out these words with contempt ­ "to Universal Decoding. The machines were networked to each other, and their signals boosted by U.D. relay stations. They learnt any new language and translated it into anything you could want. Everyone wanted one so, of course, we sold them. Within a week of our first sale, the first reports of conversations with pets came in. People went wild, hanging U.D.2s around the necks of any animals. The trouble began when pet owners heard what their pets really thought of them. The resentment felt by the animals, magnified by years of captive dependency, horrified the fawning owners. Many threw their animals out on the street, regarding them as ungrateful recipients of their love and affection. The animals, U.D.2s slung around them, could speak to any other animal with a decoder. Cats and dogs allied with horses and bulls. A group of activists banded up with the animals. My brother was one: they called themselves the Yudis. "No cruelty to creatures" they used to shout as they ran amok, liberating pets, destroying abattoirs, sawing through the bars at zoos. When the Republican Guard had to be called in to restore order, they were attacked by flocks of birds ­ no one ever discovered how they got networked in. The yudis were distributing U.D.2s to anything that made a sound: I had a good line in waterproofed versions for fish and aquatic mammals. But it was the dog-packs that turned everything sour for the yudis."

"A number of the packs were so wild that the more articulate canine leaders had no control over them. These packs attacked anyone; and many yudis died as they ran beside them only to find themselves the next victims. The government seemed unsure what to do; but it was Isaac Babel who decided for them. He had always been a rabble-rouser, and this was a cause he could not fail to espouse. He called on his followers to destroy the relay stations. My brother died defending the Central Relay Station against the Babellers. But the stations were blown up, with the support of air force rockets eventually. Only then did the Republican Guard come in and take over."

He old man shook his head, sipped his drink, and thought for a while. Finally, he went on. "I went bankrupt within a month. Universal Decoders were banned, and I was stuck with the largest stock in the country. Huge numbers of animals were shot, decoders still hanging around their necks. Pet ownership virtually ceased. Most people became vegetarians. I'm telling you that you would not recognise this city if I could take you back before Babel."   The man looked over at his companion, but she heard nothing.  U.D.2 draped carelessly around her neck; the Rottweiler slept.

Wednesday, 12 May 2021

The definitive assessment of Tory Britain:

 

I hope I'm not breaking any copyright laws but this paragraph by John Le Carré in ‘Agent Running in the Field’   (2019) P. 183 struck me as the the definitive assessment of Tory Britain:

You walk out of Europe with your British noses stuck in the air. “We’re special. We’re British. We don’t need Europe. We won all our wars alone. No Americans, no Russians, no anyone. We’re supermen.” The great freedom loving President Donald Trump is going to save our economic arses, I hear. You know what Trump is?  He’s Putin’s shithouse cleaner. He does everything that little Vladi can’t do for himself: pisses on European unity, pisses on human rights, pisses on NATO. Assures us that Crimea and Ukraine belong to the Holy Russian Empire, the Middle East belongs to the Jews and Saudis, and to hell with the world order. And you Brits, what do you do? You suck his dick and invite him to tea with your Queen. You take our black money and wash it for us. You welcome us if we’re big enough crooks. You sell us half London. You wring your hands when we poison our traitors and say, please please, dear Russian friends, trade with us.


Saturday, 2 January 2021

THE PRIDE OF BRITAIN: written in September 2099 but not for view until then.

 


When we look back on the past century, we remember the stories our parents told us about the 2021 pandemic and how so many people back at the start of the 21st century saw a terrible dystopian future. How wrong they were!

I think we should be proud to be British. Ours was the first nation to industrialise: we led the world throughout the 19th century bringing new products and revolutionising transport, banking and the way to run government.

In the 20th century, we stood firm against the twin heresies of Communism and Nazism until our welfare system became a watchword for modern civilisation.

Then in the 21st century, we were the first to grasp the nettle and take the world into the bright future we now all enjoy.

Even before the pandemic of 2020, it had become obvious to all those discerning enough to understand basic economics that the old capitalist system was broken. It was time to move on so we could all afford food on our table and security as we travelled home.

Our society was ageing and was heading towards the unsustainable position of a dwindling number of young people having to work harder to ensure that an increasing number of old people could be sustained. At the time of the pandemic, social security benefit payments had reached the dizzying heights of over £165 billion each year – the largest amount going on pensions. The health system was costing over £13 billion – most of which was being spent on old people. Left wing politicians called for cuts to the Defence budget but that only amounted to a comparatively paltry £8 billion.

Oddly it was the mass unemployment that followed the pandemic that finally brought our political leaders to their senses. With so many younger people without work, and the attractions of a Green future being offered by some idealists, it was time to focus on effective action that would, again, see Britain lead the way for the rest of the world to follow.

The bold policy of compulsory euthanasia for everyone who reached the age of 70 reduced the number of pensioners and, at the same time, created an easy-to-train alternative employment for young people in the nationwide network of beautifully-designed clinics, each celebrating the British flare for architectural design.  Although the government exempted some old people from attending the clinics – especially if they were keen government supporters – the policy created benefits that were felt almost immediately. These included

1.   Bringing the government deficit down to virtually nothing so tax exemptions could be offered to all government supporters

2.   Bringing almost full employment amongst the newly unemployed as new clinics had to be built and maintained throughout the country

3.   Increasing our exports as other countries bought our eye-catching, clinic designs

4.   Ensuring faster travel as older road users no longer held up traffic, thus increasing productivity for hauliers and annihilating the usual excuse for tardiness in attending meetings

5.   Virtually guaranteeing relieved survivors’ votes at subsequent elections.

The outdated ideas that were prevalent in the 20th century about our fine Conservative traditions requiring the massive support of old people were replaced by the unwavering support given to us by relieved survivors. This was supplemented by the support of young people for whom 70 seemed a far distant date they could readily ignore during which time they would enjoy an almost tax-free life.

We were proud to be British as we brought civilisation to backward continents like India and Africa in the 19th century. We were proud to be British when we almost single-handedly beat Hitler in the 20th century. And now we are proud to have led the world in economic living in the 21st century.

Monday, 7 December 2020

John Bunyan & Brexit

 Re-reading John Bunyan’s ‘Pilgrim’s Progress’ I recalled how bored I had become the first time I read it many years before. But now, in an age where the lunatics have taken over our asylum, the book reads in a very different light.

The Evangelist, like many of our leaders today, shows many sins of psychosis. By losing touch entirely with reality, it is possible to build imaginary kingdoms. We in the UK are with the rest of the world as if on the Titanic heading straight for the iceberg (a climate catastrophe). But our leaders have taken it into their heads to resolve all our problems by quitting one upper deck cabin for another much lower down away from the sight of our future. They paint a comforting notion that Brexit self-blinding separates us from future perils.

Bunyan’s Evangelist leads the pilgrim through a wicker gate into an hallucinogenic world. This fabulously described world is so divorced from reality that it allows Bunyan to paint a comforting notion that separation from the many perils that beset the pilgrim (and even the cruel death painted for Faith) is merely a prelude for experiencing the celestial drug.

There are many extraordinary quirks in the tale. The familiar depiction of women as little more than harlots and seducers ensures that readers who can stomach the prose are likely to exclude over half the population of the world. The constant referencing to chapters of the Bible as if the ‘progress’ is already a well-laid path with academic credentials. The oddly anti-Semitic moment when Moses beats up the pilgrim and then just disappears is one where Bunyan decides not to provide New Testament referencing. But then Moses reappears with Enoch and Elijah as the Shining Men to be transfigured (presumably through conversion) at the end of Book One and the Pilgrim’s Dream.

Bunyan, like many of our political leaders, lives in a fantasy world. It may provide temporary comfort as the Titanic ploughs on. But even as we strike the iceberg, those in charge will be the first to the lifeboats leaving us with no sight of a revelatory kingdom – only the immense depth of an ocean stretching as far as we can see.

So let’s dump Bunyan’s Tale over the side and take over the ship before it’s too late!

Wednesday, 25 November 2020

RUSSIAN SCHOOL MODULE

 

21st CENTURY BRITISH HISTORY curriculum: module 8: Pandora.

 

After the Great Election of 2019, when the “all gifted” leader and clown won, a fellow comic pointed out that the Greek for “all gifted” was PANDORA. And sure enough, whilst Boris the “all gifted” clown was celebrating his triumph: a strange box arrived that he did not recognise.

Despite warnings from other leaders around the world who had received similar boxes that they should not be opened, Boris believed that his victory over his political opponents made him invincible when confronted by any adversary. So he waved away the warnings and opened the box to demonstrate his bravery.

The box contained nothing but invisible carriers of sickness and death that promptly flew from the box. One caught Boris unawares and made him poorly: but most escaped onto the public that had just won him his Great Election. Once the carriers were out of the box, they could never return. Instead they infected millions of unsuspecting people and killed tens of thousands.

Poor Boris did not know what to do. He knew how to celebrate election victories that had been prepared for him by his cunning storytellers. The chief storyteller, Dominic the Master, told him not to worry as most of those who died would have done so anyway within the next decade or two. Their premature demise would simply save Boris’s treasury having to pay more for pensions and the NHS. So Boris wasn’t too concerned. But he needed to look as if he was concerned or those who survived might not vote for him next time.

Some clever professors pointed out that as the evil carriers of sickness usually only killed the elderly, the best way of managing the disaster was to set up special protection for them whilst letting the rest of the population carry on as normally as they could. But Boris knew that this would not be good for his image because he had let the virus loose in the Care Homes, giving them no protection so allowing thousands to die there already. He did not want to admit he had failed to protect old people because the majority of that age group had voted for him and he did not want to lose their support by appearing to be an incompetent, uncaring idiot.

So instead he encouraged his medical teams to invent largely ineffective procedures for everyone in the country to follow so he could pretend that he was in charge of managing the pandemic. His heroes in other countries like the Presidents of the USA, Brazil and India had followed similar policies and found themselves with hundreds of thousands of dead citizens as a result. He told his most trusted supporters (eg fellow Ministers and Media owners) not to report too widely on those countries like New Zealand, Germany, Iceland, South Korea, Vietnam, Denmark and Finland whose leaders were not to his liking and where the boxes had been kept shut (or whatever had escaped had been captured very early to prevent it spreading through the population).

Boris the Comic had to tone down the Clown Act or people might think his next big act, destroying the UK’s trade and trust of our nearest neighbours, might not be well received. This was the policy that Dominic the Master was most keen on implementing to show how clever he was. No one thought it was possible for anyone to persuade most people to vote for a policy that would destroy their jobs, raise prices of essential goods and make the country into a tax haven for some of the most wicked and corrupt people in the world. But by careful manipulation of the media, he had accomplished what his much-admired political teacher had taught him. What became known as Putin’s Brexit became the most remembered action of Boris the “all gifted” and is taught in all Russian schools to show how clever their country’s leader was in fooling Boris and his followers.

Tuesday, 28 April 2020

IN DEFENCE OF CONSERVATIVES


There are many on the left who blithely point out that political leadership in the face of the pandemic has been shown by those with more left wing views. They point out that right wing leaders like Trump, Bolsonaro and Johnson have failed to protect their people against the virus. They say that these men’s backgrounds do nothing to prepare them for the leadership required to fight covid 19. Defenders of these politicians do them no favours by describing these backgrounds as if they gave them an advantage: Trump with his fortune, Bolsonaro with the military and Johnson with his leadership of Britain’s departure from the EU. Critics quickly point to Trump as nothing more than a TV celebrity whose inherited wealth has given him the power to build skyscrapers and golf courses. They describe Bolsonaro’s extreme misogynistic and racist views and Johnson as little more than a TV comic with multiple failures as London’s mayor, the UK’s foreign secretary and the severe economic impact that Brexit brings.

On the other side, the left point to the many female leaders who have impressively led against the invasion of the virus. Mette Frederiksen in Denmark, Katrín Jakobsdóttir in Iceland, Sanna Marin in Finland and Jacinda Ardern in New Zealand all have decidedly left wing backgrounds: as does the male Moon Jae-in in South Korea who was arrested as a student activist and became a human rights lawyer. Multiple examples of their leadership qualities are described like Jacinda Ardern’s leading her cabinet to join her with a 20% pay cut. In an apparent comment concerning the UK’s and USA’s talking about “herd immunity” as a way to fight the virus, Ardern said ‘Some countries talked about herd immunity as a strategy. In New Zealand we never ever considered that. Herd immunity would have meant 10s of 10000s of New Zealanders dying & I simply would not have tolerated that.’

However, there is a defence that those on the right should adopt. The example is the Conservative leader of Germany. It is true that Merkel showed some decidedly left-wing attitudes when she welcomed in thousands of refugee migrants; but she leads the conservative Christian Democratic party and would certainly not describe herself as left wing. Instead, her supporters point to the way that she has responded quickly to the threat of the virus by seeming to understand the science much better than Trump, Bolsonaro and Johnson. Her conservatism does not appear to have dulled the intelligence that gained her a doctorate in quantum chemistry and her work as a research scientist in the 1980s. Not many left wing leaders have those qualifications: so it is possible to be an effective conservative leader provided that you can demonstrate the qualifications gained by Angela Merkel.