21st CENTURY BRITISH HISTORY curriculum:
module 8: Pandora.
After the Great Election of 2019, when the “all gifted” leader and clown won, a fellow comic pointed out that the Greek for “all gifted” was PANDORA. And sure enough, whilst Boris the “all gifted” clown was celebrating his triumph: a strange box arrived that he did not recognise.
Despite warnings from other leaders around the world who had received similar boxes that they should not be opened, Boris believed that his victory over his political opponents made him invincible when confronted by any adversary. So he waved away the warnings and opened the box to demonstrate his bravery.
The box contained nothing but invisible carriers of sickness and death that promptly flew from the box. One caught Boris unawares and made him poorly: but most escaped onto the public that had just won him his Great Election. Once the carriers were out of the box, they could never return. Instead they infected millions of unsuspecting people and killed tens of thousands.
Poor Boris did not know what to do. He knew how to celebrate election victories that had been prepared for him by his cunning storytellers. The chief storyteller, Dominic the Master, told him not to worry as most of those who died would have done so anyway within the next decade or two. Their premature demise would simply save Boris’s treasury having to pay more for pensions and the NHS. So Boris wasn’t too concerned. But he needed to look as if he was concerned or those who survived might not vote for him next time.
Some clever professors pointed out that as the evil carriers of sickness usually only killed the elderly, the best way of managing the disaster was to set up special protection for them whilst letting the rest of the population carry on as normally as they could. But Boris knew that this would not be good for his image because he had let the virus loose in the Care Homes, giving them no protection so allowing thousands to die there already. He did not want to admit he had failed to protect old people because the majority of that age group had voted for him and he did not want to lose their support by appearing to be an incompetent, uncaring idiot.
So instead he encouraged his medical teams to invent largely ineffective procedures for everyone in the country to follow so he could pretend that he was in charge of managing the pandemic. His heroes in other countries like the Presidents of the USA, Brazil and India had followed similar policies and found themselves with hundreds of thousands of dead citizens as a result. He told his most trusted supporters (eg fellow Ministers and Media owners) not to report too widely on those countries like New Zealand, Germany, Iceland, South Korea, Vietnam, Denmark and Finland whose leaders were not to his liking and where the boxes had been kept shut (or whatever had escaped had been captured very early to prevent it spreading through the population).
Boris the Comic had to
tone down the Clown Act or people might think his next big act, destroying the UK’s
trade and trust of our nearest neighbours, might not be well received. This was
the policy that Dominic the Master was most keen on implementing to show how
clever he was. No one thought it was possible for anyone to persuade most
people to vote for a policy that would destroy their jobs, raise prices of
essential goods and make the country into a tax haven for some of the most
wicked and corrupt people in the world. But by careful manipulation of the
media, he had accomplished what his much-admired political teacher had taught
him. What became known as Putin’s Brexit became the most remembered action of
Boris the “all gifted” and is taught in all Russian schools to show how clever
their country’s leader was in fooling Boris and his followers.
